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DOLPHINS The NFL has long been the easiest of the four major professional sports leagues in which to embark upon a rags-to- riches story. The salary cap, and the ease with which teams are able to shuttle personnel in and out of town, have ensured that there are no Pittsburgh Pirate-like drains on the NFL. Even down-on-their-luck franchises like the Oakland Raiders are capable of spending money in order to improve their product, even if they typically choose to spend as wisely as Michael Jackson on a trip to the Carnival Ride-and-Exotic Animal Warehouse. Still, the feats pulled off last season by the likes of the Atlanta Falcons, Baltimore Ravens, and Miami Dolphins may have effectively ended what little acceptance of a “rebuilding period” NFL fans had left. I t has come to our attention that University of Miami starting quarterback Jacory Harris might be insane, but in a good way. Either that or he is too young to have discovered his internal self-edit button. And might he never find it. Please. Harris, coming into his sophomore season with Saturday’s first fall practice, has predicted he will win a Heisman Trophy while at UM and further announced he will wear a pink suit to the ceremony, pimp cup [a diamond-encrusted goblet, he would clarify] and all.” T he Business Insider website compiled a list of the most depressing places in America, with economically ravaged Detroit a predictable No. l. Somewhat surprisingly, Miami was nowhere to be found on the list despite the Marlins’ nosedive since an 11-1 start, the city’s proximity to the playoff drought-stricken Panthers and Dolphin Stadium being renamed after a bad beer.
Most Miamians said they felt depressed to be snubbed and omitted from the list, but then Jimmy Buffett sang a party song with a steel drum in it and everybody felt better.