Dear Annie: I deeply care about my best friend, “James.” He is the oldest of eight children, and they live in a very cramped,
worn-out trailer home. James is the first in the family to go to college and works to support himself. He is kind-hearted and selfless, and has taught me to think about others in need. James has never asked me for money, but it breaks my heart to see him suffer. So I help out by paying some of his bills, buying food, etc., even giving him a little extra so he can have fun with his friends. I love seeing him happy. Mom is out of town, and I gave James more money. She’s coming back this week and will see the latest bank statement. I’m dreading it because I know she will be furious. I want my mother to accept my choices. What should I say to her — Feeling Guilty Dear Feeling Guilty: You sound like a sweet, caring friend, but be careful how much you help James, if only because it teaches him to rely on others for his financial solvency. It’s OK to occasionally treat him to a meal or even pay a utility bill if it means his electricity would otherwise be shut off, but only if you can afford it on your own. Open your own bank account so Mom stops seeing the statements, and then prove that you can manage your money responsibly. She will respect your choices when she sees that you are making good ones. Dear Annie: Why is it that so many guests either don’t know what RSVP means or respond affirmatively and then don’t show up — Upset in Michigan
Dear Michigan: We’re with you. Too many people think “RSVP” means respond if you feel like it. Anyone who has had to pay for no-shows understands that it is simple consideration to tell your hosts whether you are coming or not, and then keep your word.