It would be a fine thing if you could return this recent contribution.
Had your donor truly understood his circumstances — his profits were a mirage, he was a dupe, Miss California’s breasts were artificially enhanced (not strictly germane, perhaps, but it makes a pattern) — he would not have made this donation. You can’t give what you don’t have. It is not ethical to exploit his error and thus worsen his misfortune. What constitutes “recent” is debatable. Should you return a donation made in March Six months ago Six years ago Fortunately, this is not a debate you must engage in, given how soon after receiving this gift you learned of the donor’s circumstances. Returning the money would make this situation akin to any transaction with a cooling-off period: a chance to reconsider a financial decision. Alas, such benevolence might be legally barred. Marianne M. Jennings, a professor of legal and ethical studies at , told me, “I cannot imagine how they could return the funds as a tax-exempt payment.” A nonprofit may spend money only for its charitable work and legitimate expenses (sometimes in the form of a gala event so opulent it would make Louis XVI blush, were he capable of shame and not dead). Federal eyebrows could be raised if your group wrote a check that covered neither. Such strictures, devised to forestall charity fraud, can thwart your benign intentions in an exceptional case like this. And so you must reject this request unless your lawyers clear it. Jennings says, “This seems to be such a harsh response to a generous donor, but, as you know, sometimes the law does get in the way of ethics.”
Take the money. Your father knew how his estate would be divided. He could have redirected this money but chose not to. From what your birth sister told you — and she took some trouble to do so — it sounds as if he would be pleased to do something for you. There can be no certainty about his wishes, but you could reach out to other relatives who knew him and who might offer more insight into his feelings.